Subduing Ego

Subduing Ego

I’m the doer of everything, from getting up in the morning to sleeping in the night, all activities that are performed are only done by me, there is no one other than me who is the doer.

I’m the enjoyer of actions and the same person who suffers, I’m attached to worldly pleasures and try to acquire everything to become happier. I suffer as I did not get my desired objects. I’m attached my kids, parents, wife etc, I live with them for my happiness and fight when unhappy.

I’m the doer of everything.

Why am I say this? Why do I feel that I’m the doer, what am I doing and most importantly whom an I that is doing everything? I keep saying to everyone that I’m the doer, I fight with all for my happiness. So, who am I? who is involved in such multitude of emotions and actions.

I think I’m the doer, for example I’m the writer of this article, but at the same time when I think it over, I’m using this body to write this article. So, then who am I, if this body is not me, then who am I?

How can I be the body as I know by direct perception that I’m using the body to write this article, so the body is just an instrument for me to do the action. Therefore, I’m not the body. If I’m not the body, then what am I?

Let me analyse this further, I’m writing this article, so now I know I’m not the body which is writing the article, then I must be the mind who is writing this article. Wow this must be true!
But if I’m the mind, why do I say that my mind is thinking about these thoughts and the body is writing the article on the computer? I don’t know what is happening here. I thought my mind is me, that’s is I’m the mind. But at the same time my intellect is not agreeing with this logic.
How can I be the mind if I say that my mind is writing this article or is coming up these thoughts which are actioned by the body. Based on this I cannot be the mind nor the body. I’m using both the body and mind to get this article out. Then what am I or who am I?

If I’m not the body or mind, then I must be my Ego, I must be the name that is called by others. I think I’m the doer of everything, Ego is what drives me to do this action, without ego I do not exist. Only with ego I know what is happening, I perceive everything, and I know that I’m the doer. Then I’m must the ego otherwise there is nothing left and without ego I’m nothing.

But how I can be the ego, when I’m saying that I’m the ego, who is this I saying that I’m the ego? What!!! This is strange I’m not able to understand this line of questioning within my mind. If I say that I’m the ego everything makes sense, but when I question about my ego. Then nothing makes sense.

Why am I saying it as my Ego instead of me? Why can’t I say that I’m the ego, why do I see ego as an instrument just like the body and mind, which is executing this action of tying?

If I’m saying that my body, my mind and my ego, all these are mine, but they are not me. Its like buying a land/toy etc, the land/toy etc is mine but I’m not the land etc.

So, I’m what I’m which is excluding all these things, I’m neither the body/mind or ego all these are instruments for me to do or not to do anything. I’m independent of these and these instruments are dependent on my existence for its existence.

Then who am I? I’m what I’m. Only when I relinquish all of the above I will know myself and I’m that.

Body/Mind and Ego in Self enquiry

Body/Mind and Ego in Self enquiry

To progress in spirituality, one must enquire about his own self and understand “Who am I? “. This is very important as unless we know who we are then there is no progress spirituality. We should know who we are and what is God and how we are related? Etc.

In Advaita Vedanta to answer this question we have Mahavakyas which encapsulate the entire teachings of Vedanta in to a statement like “Tatvamasi”, “Ahaṁ Brahmāsmi” etc.

We will try to analysis and understand the statement “Ahaṁ Brahmāsmi” here. The phrase consists of two parts one being “Aham” and second part “Brahmāsmi”. What is Aham ? In short it is nothing but Self that is within us. Self is nothing but the Atman. So, the statement clearly says that the Atman within and the universal God (Brahman) are one and the same.

Now you may say that hold on how can you say that I’m Brahman, where the person is always with many imperfections and Brahman is supreme and perfect. So, it is at this stage Self enquiry becomes important.

To discern and understand that I’m Brahman now we will investigate who we (our true nature) are as opposed to our assumed self. When the mahavakya says “I”, it is not referring to the body, mind or the ego which is appears from it. This simply refers to the source of body, mind and ego as we can consciously drop the notion of these and still exist.

If we do a simple exercise now, we can clearly discern that we are not the body as we perceive it, we say this is my hand, leg etc., so the perceiver/observer is different from observed, similarly we can observe the mind undergoing so many thoughts and we say that I have a good thought or bad thought, who is this I that is having good or bad thought? When we understand this, we know that we are neither the body or mind.

So next thing that comes up is the ego, now we will argue that the “I’m” the ego because it is for the ego that everything is done. Or is it really? If I say my name is Deva, I’m identifying myself as Deva and finally say that Deva did everything or doing everything. But stop, here I’m calling myself as Deva, so who is that I calling itself Deva? So again, ego is different from the true “I”. Meaning we neither the body, mind or ego. Then what are we? Is the question that needs to be understood.

After negating everything what is left is “I”, anything that can be imagined or cannot be imagined, anything that exist or does not exist, anything that we perceive or not perceive is not “I” (Brahman), then who am I becomes more confusing as it seems like there is not solution to this problem. For this the answer is simple, who am I is nothing but the witness of all of these and you are that witness, consciousness and bliss [Bliss because the I is everything and there is no second thing other than it, at material level we try to acquire more and more and think that we will be happy, when only Brahman (“I”) exists and there is nothing other than Brahman which is complete, there nothing to acquire, when there is nothing to acquire we are complete and blissful].